“I never realized that we need to talk with other people just to know that we exist. That we matter. Loneliness is a howling, empty cavern inside of me that just keeps growing.”—Cheryl Rainfield, Stained (via larmoyante)
Five years ago tonight my mom asked me when I was going to put up our Christmas tree. I’m the kind of person that would put it up the day after Halloween and keep it up until sometime after the new year. The next morning she unexpectedly passed away. That year we didn’t put the tree up, and I don’t think we did the next year either. Tonight I bought a tree for my new house, and I hope that wherever she is she knows that I’m thinking of her and the last conversation we had. Even though she’s not physically here, she’s never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.
“Life is so damned hard. It just hurts people and hurts people, until finally it hurts them so that they can’t be hurt ever any more. That’s the last and worst thing it does.”—F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and the Damned (via larmoyante)
“Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell, just to keep getting your fix.”—Karen Marie Moning, Shadowfever. (via blindthoughts)
“So you have chosen aloneness. You have chosen the security and the relative freedom of solitude, because there is no risk involved. You can stay up every night and watch your TV shows and eat ice cream out of the box and scroll through your Tumblr and never let your brain sit still, not even for a moment. You can fill your days up with books and coffees and trips to the store where you forget what you wanted the second you walk in the automatic sliding door. You can do so many little, pointless things throughout the day that all you can think of is how badly you want to sleep, how heavy your whole body is, how much your feet hurt. You can wear yourself out again and again on the pavement, and you do, and it feels good.
No one will ever bridge that gap and point to your stomach or your hair or your eyes in the mirror and magically make you see the wonderful things about getting to be next to you. And maybe that’s it, after all, this fear that no one will ever truly feel about you the way you want to be felt about. Maybe what you want is someone to make you love yourself, to put sense into all that positive rhetoric, to make it so the aloneness of TV and blasting music in your ears at all times isn’t the most happy place you can think of. Maybe you want someone who makes you so sure of how wonderful things are that you cannot help but to tell them your feelings first, even at the risk of being humiliated. Because you will know that, when you’re telling them you love them, what you’re really saying is “I love who I become when I am with you.”—Chelsea Fagan, For When You Think That No One Will Love You (via larmoyante)